EMPHATETIC

"Love doesn't hurt you, someone who doesn't know how to love hurt you"

Short conversation (P/Perempuan/L/Laki-laki)

P : Hi, whats up, boy? Tumben banget nelpon jam segini, is there somethin' new?

L : Aku mau ngomong sesuatu ke kamu

P : Okay, mau ngomong apaan sih? 

L : Aku berpikir tentang banyak hal beberapa hari ini. Semuanya terasa sulit. I dont think we should be together. I know this is so hard.

P : Maksudnya? This is you breaking up with me? Seriously?

L : Yup, maksudku ya karena kita di dua tempat yang berbeda sekarang. Dari situ ya aku sadar ternyata theres a lot of stuff that doesnt click between us. Aku rasa its better just leave it where its supposed to be.

P : Aku ga paham maksudmu apa. You're just makin' joke around me right? So sudden. Semalam kamu disini bersamaku and you said you really loved me. 

L : Iya, aku tau, tapi ternyata banyak hal yang... Maksud ku, like where are we going in 2 months? Kita bakal disituasi yang sama. Gak berkembang.

P :  Okay, ya I got it, that says it all. Terserah padamu, jika itu yang kamu inginkan then thats fine. Ive no choice. Forcing not fix anythin'. But how come you left me apart in this situation where we dont have massive issues? Seems everything is fine.

Beberapa hari kemudian, Im talkin' with myself. How you feelin'? You know, not so good, not good at all, Ive been in bed and cry all day. Other side of me said sorry to me that Im sufferin' a lot in this few days like out of energy even just talk to somebody (I got hurt from someone that I love a lot and I hurt myself cause of that) and Im just sayin' to myself that its okay, its not ur fault, u didn't do anythin' wrong. Sometimes, its okay to not be okay.

Banyak orang hari ini just throw around word love, just playin' around with that word. Sangat memalukan. Karena mereka gak menyadari seberapa besar efeknya pada orang lain terutama bisa merusak kesehatan mental seseorang. I was doing research in at least over 200 patients in psychiatric hospital within several months, it says majority ppl who got diagnose with mental health disorder affect in early 20s, It happened cause of BROKEN HEART. How severe it is. Keep it in ur mind. It happens to me right now. Somethin' wrong with me.

Back to it, waktu itu aku gak paham, kemarin dia disini bersama ku kemudian mengatakan that he loved me so much. Do you know the reason why he would do that? 

Listen, ini yang ingin aku katakan padamu dan kamu harus pahami dengan baik. Hanya karena seseorang mengatakan bahwa dia mencintaimu dan tidak bermaksud benar mencintaimu, bukan berarti love doesnt exist. Hanya karena kamu percaya padanya and it wasnt true. Doesnt mean you should not believe in love. 

Point of view yang mau aku sampaikan adalah....

"Love didn't hurt you, someone who doesnt know how to love hurt you"

Jadi? dont confuse the two 

I just feel stupid for saying it and actually meaning it, u know. Aku sadar ternyata dia benar-benar tidak bermaksud menyakitiku when he said it. So, its totally cool. Just because he didnt mean it, doesnt mean that there isnt someone out there who does mean it, who will want to love you, who will want to say it and mean it and believe it. 

This is so insane. I lost my mind. I supposed to think like dont write off love just because someone didnt know how to love u properly.

Aku tahu situasinya sangat sulit dan bisa jadi gak masuk akal. Tetapi, pasti diluar sana ada orang yang akan mengatakannya dan benar-benar mengatakannya dengan penuh kesungguhan.

This is gettin' worse, can't take it anymore. Somebody try to help but it gettin' worse. What do you do with broken heart? He really puts me in fragile state. Can I hold on for another night? Dealin' everythin' on my ownself. No one even has to know. What I need to do for whole this time?

Cimahi, 18/04/21 2.26a.m

-End

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